Some more dumb headlines from people who are paid specifically because they’re supposed to know better …

One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers

Missippi’s literacy program shows improvement [sic]

City Council runs out of time to discuss shorter meetings

Study shows frequent sex enhances pregnancy chances

Tight end returns after colon surgery

17 remain dead in morgue shooting spree

Vaccination available for whopping couch [sic]

Diana was still alive hours before she died

Man tries armed robbery with knife in gun store

Winners of drunk driving contest announced

Homeless survive winter: now what?

Jimmy Carter’s hometown excited over his burial plans

Murderer says detective ruined his reputation

Chick accuses some of her male colleagues of sexism

Scott wants head job

Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison

State population to double by 2040: babies to blame

Cash is the key to ending financial woes

Human brian is still evolving says scientist [sic]

Cop makes arrest in bathroom after smelling crack

Women’s whine and cheese party set [sic]

Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25

Citizens: Wetlands too damp

Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons

Midget sues grocer, cites belittling remarks

Arranging a death of a loved one isn’t easy

Most earthquake damage is caused by shaking

Police shoot man who was stabbing himself

How to buy a $450,000 home for only $750,000

Bush asks nation for patients [sic]

Firefighters refuse to work after death

Fire destroys go-go bar and leaves four men homeless

Man beats off cougar with his bare hands

Porn star sues over rear-end collision

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training